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The Top 100 Things To Do At WalMart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Don’t bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout. (this is not stealing, they did not own the items yet, they were simply ‘moving them around’)

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. (be creative with the gift-wrap tubes used in point 6).

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I
think we’ve got a code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off
and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi. I haven’t seen
you in so long.” etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them ‘Bob’, and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary).

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
loud enough for all to hear, “Who buys this crap anyway?!”

15. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don’t actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys).

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say “BEEP” in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. If the cashier protests, kill them.

20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn’t buy it there say “The customer is always right dammit!!” Make a scene.

21. Move “Caution : Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other
aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
“I’m Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave.”

26. Climb things.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello”
upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to “boobs”.

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
say, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling “Red Rover.”

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a ‘Shnerple’ looks like to assist them.

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale
battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above.

34. Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask
the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as
possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
Mission Impossible.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags against their will.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies.”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo.

43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s using an alternative alphabet of your choosing.

45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as ‘A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vasceline’.

47. Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and scream, “No, no, its those voices again.”

49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don’t get out
much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. walk around wearing the cloths from the store

52. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

53. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

54. Start playing football and see how many people will join.

55. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this ****, anyway?”

57.Look at customers and look away when they look back (repeat)

58.Make Loud noises in the bathroom.

59.Pat guys on the back when using bathroom stall.

60.Play the stereos real loud

61.Hog up the Xbox or PS2 demo games

62.Flick off the camera

63.get 220 items make the cashier ring them all up,then say you know what i will just take a pack of gum,say to return everything else

64.Put the items back in wrong spots

65. Walk past people and make bodily noises.

66. Format the harddrives on the computers (did it once at costco)

67. Get two shopping carts, fill one up and then go over to the price checker on the poles. Scan each item and place it in the empty cart. Leave some money on top of the scanner.

68. Stand in front of the WalMart greeter and say “Welcome to WalMart” before the greeter can.

69. Have a long conversation with the greeter so that he/she cannot greet customers entering the store or give them a shopping cart.

70. Go to the auto department and get a few jugs of antifreeze, put them in the freezers in the grocery department.

71. Roll a tire down the aisle and chase after it.

72. Go to the electronics department and put on a show for the video cameras.

73. Joust with the rascals (the little motorized wheelchairs at the entrance)

74. Act autistic by yelling “baseball” in a slightly retarted voice

75. Pillow fights with stuffed animals

76. Talk to the clerk in the electronics dept, and every 5 minutes or so yell “No! You are Wrong!”

77. Clip clothing to customers w/out their knowledge, clip-on ties work great

78. Clip a clip on tie to yourself on your back and walk in and out of the store a bunch of times and see if anyone notices (did this on accident)

79. Men: Take womens clothing and go to the changing rooms

80. Take embarrasing items (massive amounts of duesche in mens carts works really well, or self enema kits, I do this at work all the time) and hide them in random people’s carts

81. Get a blue or red vest from a friend who works at wallmart and walk around helping customers and moving things and talking to other employees. I got away with this for almost an hour before being escorted out by management.

82. Put on a baseball helmet backwards, a hunting vest, a big stuffed bear under one arm and a pool cue. Tiptoe in and out of isles and yell “BANG” while pointing the pool cue at customers and employees, then jump into an isle where they can’t see you.
Bonus Points: Commando crawl through isles doing the same thing, but roll off into other isles and crawl away as fast as possible.

83. Play Hide and Go seek

84. While playing move stuff out of the shelves and get on the shelf, and put the merchandise in front of you and hide. ! also makes it interesting when people grab for a box and miss

85. Use one of the many phones posted around the store to access the P.A. System and act like an upset employee quitting their job due to some sort of harassment.

86. Attempt to buy two different shoes as a pair.

87. Ask employee’s very complex questions about merchandise that they would have no idea about.

88. Claim you’re with some air quality control firm and run around the store with bags held above your head collecting air samples. Be sure to fill bags with air from all over the store.

89. Bring your skateboard with you into the store and start skating off shelves/tables, grinding anything possible, and seeing how fast you can go through the long isles.

#?? Take a wheelchair from the front and see how many things/people you can run into….

#?? Take the stink bait and leave it open/hide it

#?? Build a wall in aisle of Home decor with paint cans/do the same with big boxes from the toy department…..

#?? FEED THE PETS!

#?? (Christmas time) Inquire as to why there are only a white and black santa, “Why arent there any (input race here) Santas?”

#95. Pizza box frisbee, nuf said

#96. Staff workers late at night tend to put the boxes they are about to shelve in the middle of the grocery aisles and walk off if one of these stacks happens to be in the way, they usually find a way to get in my path, KNock them over and drop kick them out of the way

#97. Maintanence workers like to leave keys to floor buffers in them when they take their breaks, take the keys and throw them

#98. (*before hand take a can of common shaving cream and freeze it, have it with you when you return to walmart) replace the can on the shelve when it defrosts it expands to full size and the can oozes all the cream!!

#99. by the layaway department (usually where sporting goods are) take a rubber practice ball and have batting practice….

###100###-

change the prices on the rollback signs above the items in the middle of the big aisles

Gregarious FeedFlare